Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.
Me - There are two sides of me. Similar to the HULK and Bruce Banner. For 13+ years of my marriage, my HULK was the personality in control of my life. He is aggressive, angry, destructive, quick to blame, a victim, clever, sex crazed, and many many other negative characteristics that caused pain and disconnection for everyone around me/him. However, my HULK also recognized, that internally, I was unhappy. He knew I needed love. The HULKs version of love is sex. So, he demanded sex almost daily. With sex it was possible to experience love and connection, albeit temporarily. But, I needed love that was emotional, spiritual, and non-sexual but also physical. It was tough for my wife to "manage" my HULK. Eventually, I found a change of heart. There were 3 key principles I had to experience and learn first.
Humility, Empathy, and Awareness.
Humility, for me, meant going to the doctor and getting help. And it absolutely has helped! Empathy, to me, means loving others more than loving myself. The HULK is so selfish, that, while it is probably not possible to love others more than I loved myself, putting others first was a new concept. I had no idea that the HULK had taken over my life. Awareness, for me, meant learning that there was a significant difference between the "love" the HULK had and LOVE that I had to offer. It was, and is, a difficult habit to break. The HULK was grabby, a groper, sex crazed, and borderline abusive. I needed spiritual and emotional connection. It was a deliberate choice to forcefully take back the wheel from the HULK. When I realized what destruction the HULK had created, I genuinely apologized to my wife for letting the hulk in our lives and letting him take over. Humility gave me the physical strength; empathy gave me the spiritual strength; awareness showed me the path in which to use my new found strength to fight off and overcome the hulk. I know I love my wife because I fought and defeated my hulk with humility, empathy, love (real love), and connection.
Me - There are two sides of me. Similar to the HULK and Bruce Banner. For 13+ years of my marriage, my HULK was the personality in control of my life. He is aggressive, angry, destructive, quick to blame, a victim, clever, sex crazed, and many many other negative characteristics that caused pain and disconnection for everyone around me/him. However, my HULK also recognized, that internally, I was unhappy. He knew I needed love. The HULKs version of love is sex. So, he demanded sex almost daily. With sex it was possible to experience love and connection, albeit temporarily. But, I needed love that was emotional, spiritual, and non-sexual but also physical. It was tough for my wife to "manage" my HULK. Eventually, I found a change of heart. There were 3 key principles I had to experience and learn first.
Humility, Empathy, and Awareness.
Humility, for me, meant going to the doctor and getting help. And it absolutely has helped! Empathy, to me, means loving others more than loving myself. The HULK is so selfish, that, while it is probably not possible to love others more than I loved myself, putting others first was a new concept. I had no idea that the HULK had taken over my life. Awareness, for me, meant learning that there was a significant difference between the "love" the HULK had and LOVE that I had to offer. It was, and is, a difficult habit to break. The HULK was grabby, a groper, sex crazed, and borderline abusive. I needed spiritual and emotional connection. It was a deliberate choice to forcefully take back the wheel from the HULK. When I realized what destruction the HULK had created, I genuinely apologized to my wife for letting the hulk in our lives and letting him take over. Humility gave me the physical strength; empathy gave me the spiritual strength; awareness showed me the path in which to use my new found strength to fight off and overcome the hulk. I know I love my wife because I fought and defeated my hulk with humility, empathy, love (real love), and connection.