How much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential to living a Wholehearted life: loving ourselves.
Me - It's really tough to love yourself if you have guilt or shame in your life. My love for myself was based on others love for me. Its been a difficult truth to understand, that the majority of my problems, failures, shortcomings, faults, negative emotions... I have no one to blame but myself. So, it really makes "loving myself" not a real possibility. It was easier to numb out and disconnect, and maybe that was how I loved myself. Numbing out and disconnection was how I was protecting myself from the reality I was hiding from. The reality was guilt and shame. No one wants to face that. Of course, numbing out and disconnection, for me, was masturbation. Which would only add the guilt and shame. Continued masturbation led to addiction. Which turned into a horrible cycle. Love, in my world, was based on others love for me. Finding approval from my boss, friends, church leaders, my wife, and my family was essential... I couldn't love myself. So, I would max out on my skills to get some kind of appreciation or approval or love or "connection". The one person I needed connection with the most, I couldn't get it. Because of my sexual addiction, my wife had to protect herself from me. I thought I could get "connection" from sex. Sex and Love are two very different things, even though I learned that you only have sex with someone that you love. It's similar to food and candy for our diets. Food is essential, candy is awesome. We need food. We crave candy. We will be unhealthy and possibly die without food. Eating candy alone will ruin our bodies and possibly our lives.
Connection and love is essential. Sex is awesome. We need connection and love. We crave sex. We will be unhealthy and die without connection and love. Having sex without connection and love will ruin our souls and love for ourselves.
Me - It's really tough to love yourself if you have guilt or shame in your life. My love for myself was based on others love for me. Its been a difficult truth to understand, that the majority of my problems, failures, shortcomings, faults, negative emotions... I have no one to blame but myself. So, it really makes "loving myself" not a real possibility. It was easier to numb out and disconnect, and maybe that was how I loved myself. Numbing out and disconnection was how I was protecting myself from the reality I was hiding from. The reality was guilt and shame. No one wants to face that. Of course, numbing out and disconnection, for me, was masturbation. Which would only add the guilt and shame. Continued masturbation led to addiction. Which turned into a horrible cycle. Love, in my world, was based on others love for me. Finding approval from my boss, friends, church leaders, my wife, and my family was essential... I couldn't love myself. So, I would max out on my skills to get some kind of appreciation or approval or love or "connection". The one person I needed connection with the most, I couldn't get it. Because of my sexual addiction, my wife had to protect herself from me. I thought I could get "connection" from sex. Sex and Love are two very different things, even though I learned that you only have sex with someone that you love. It's similar to food and candy for our diets. Food is essential, candy is awesome. We need food. We crave candy. We will be unhealthy and possibly die without food. Eating candy alone will ruin our bodies and possibly our lives.
Connection and love is essential. Sex is awesome. We need connection and love. We crave sex. We will be unhealthy and die without connection and love. Having sex without connection and love will ruin our souls and love for ourselves.