Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen."
If there is one thing that I feel that I am decent at, it's being authentic. I don't hide much about myself, or my choices, or why I made those choices. My wife and I are on a different spectrum concerning those choices. I'm authentic to my sexuality. She has always been ashamed or embarrassed (I don't know?) about sex and never explored her feelings about it all with me. It hurts that she shuts down when I approach her about this. It's always been a closed door discussion. The pain: the more authentic I am, the more she closes emotionally with me. She's very "prude" with her sexuality. I can tell shes never been comfortable kissing or hand holding in public with me. She's be embarrassed if anyone ever caught her making out with her husband. That's just who she is. So I feel like I have to sacrifice my authenticity to accommodate her. It's this sacrifice that activates the HULK.
So, that was my line of thinking in the past. While it is true, I am vulnerable and honest about my preferences about sex (and in life in general), I never created a safe atmosphere for my wife to feel authentic to her own sexuality. I knew what I wanted and went after it! Maybe she did know what she wanted, maybe not? That's not the point. If I had ever given her safety, we could have found out together. She only got safety when we were dating. As I have given her safety in my recovery, she has responded sexually with me. And its been fantastic!
If there is one thing that I feel that I am decent at, it's being authentic. I don't hide much about myself, or my choices, or why I made those choices. My wife and I are on a different spectrum concerning those choices. I'm authentic to my sexuality. She has always been ashamed or embarrassed (I don't know?) about sex and never explored her feelings about it all with me. It hurts that she shuts down when I approach her about this. It's always been a closed door discussion. The pain: the more authentic I am, the more she closes emotionally with me. She's very "prude" with her sexuality. I can tell shes never been comfortable kissing or hand holding in public with me. She's be embarrassed if anyone ever caught her making out with her husband. That's just who she is. So I feel like I have to sacrifice my authenticity to accommodate her. It's this sacrifice that activates the HULK.
So, that was my line of thinking in the past. While it is true, I am vulnerable and honest about my preferences about sex (and in life in general), I never created a safe atmosphere for my wife to feel authentic to her own sexuality. I knew what I wanted and went after it! Maybe she did know what she wanted, maybe not? That's not the point. If I had ever given her safety, we could have found out together. She only got safety when we were dating. As I have given her safety in my recovery, she has responded sexually with me. And its been fantastic!